My second patrol of the day was in the town square of Keeptown. This time I was partnered with another corporal, Bantry. I don’t know where that name came from and neither does he.
“So I’m going to need a new place to gamble.” He said. “Things are just getting a bit too dangerous for me right now.”
“If you owe them money you’ll have to pay it.” I said.
“Oh what do you know?” Bantry’s raven hair was cut short and designed to look as masculine as possible. His tabard hung loose in a poor attempt to hide his breasts. Rarely has someone denied a gender swap so hard as he did. “Is something wrong?”
“Excuse me?”
“You seem distracted.” I shrugged.
“Just the usual stuff. Someone accused me of doing nothing, that the Watch will never fix shit.” I said. “It’s been on my mind all day. I had a meeting with a friend at lunch and after that I’m wondering how much we really do accomplish.”
“Less then a lot and more than none.” Bantry said. He readjusted his cloak, spotless and as pristine as the day he received it. By comparison mine was a stained and frayed thing.
Bantry was not like Remmie. Remmie could be something, Bantry had accepted he would never be and made peace with it. Bantry enjoyed like, he never slacked on his work but he never tried hard either. He was competent, I guess that’s enough.
“What does that even mean?” I asked. A maned wolf in a hideous orange great coat pushed his was between us, deliberately elbowing me as he went. I let it pass.
“It means we must be doing something. Even if the only thing we do is collect our price, we’re doing something!”
“I’d like to do more than just collect money.” I said. “It bothers me if I’m not accomplishing something. I didn’t join the Watch to never achieve.” I joined the Watch to become Justicar and fix the horrendous justice system. Something needed to change.
“Yeah they do.” He shrugged. “Do you know what the best three things in life are?”
“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”
“Money,” He held up a finger. “Women and alcohol. Above all else these, or however that saying goes. With these you can be happy.”
“Why would I need women?” I asked.
“Well men then I don’t know! Gamble, drink and have a good time. We’re all doomed anyway.” Bantry cackled. “We’re in a cursed valley the whole world hates; if we’re doomed we might as well have fun with it.”
“I don’t believe we’re doomed. This place should prove that.” The main square was alive with people, thronging and bustling about, going and coming, all species and ages, all very peaceful. “To them, the world isn’t ending.
“Yeah they’re all kinds of crazy.” Bantry said. “Maybe they’re stupid too. We’re all doomed, mark my words, we’ll be dead in a fire soon enough.”
“If you believe this, why do you keep showing up?” I asked. Bantry frowned.
“Maybe I’m a cynic but I don’t want to see this place ruined.” He shrugged. “At least I can give them a few good days.”
Even without reaching out I could feel people’s emotions and thoughts, so many in such a tight area. The occasional spirit brushed against me but nothing too bad. It is peaceful. After the morning I’ve had I could use it.
“Anyway I wish the Watch actually could do shit.” Bantry said. “I go out looking for women and I say ‘I’m a corporal in the Watch’ and know how much attention that gets? None!”
“We’re doing more then finding bed partners for you.” I said.
“Well I don’t get any benefit from that.” Bantry groaned. “I’d like to be one of the Long Scouts. You know Brightleaf could get any woman he wanted.”
“Have you even met him?”
“I hear things.”
“I’d get my hearing checked.” I said. I’d met Misha Brightleaf one time very briefly and I doubt he remembered me. I had been struck by his masculinity, his impressive scars and his impressive…axe.
I’d visited him in my dreams many more times. I have a love for furry, scarred men; I won’t apologize for it.
The numerous faces began to bleed together for me. A human, an animal, a child all together and my mind else where. A bull carrying lumber walked—
SLAM
I stumbled. That…someone tried to Tap my mind? But way too hard? Bantry was talking to someone else and hadn’t noticed me. I looked back at the bull as he turned down an ally way.
Did he…Tap me? Who was that?
Ah you’re from Isenport!” Bantry said. “And rapidly becoming a lizard like my friend here.” I turned back to find my partner speaking to someone new.
He was speaking to a man, a man I did not recognize. His hair was blonde and rapidly falling out. His face was a mass of small round, orange scales and his neck was developing a ridged look to it. Why is he wearing a skirt?
“Want to place a bet on what you’re becoming?” The man frowned.
“Excuse me?”
“Place a bet. It’s fun, you set down a sum of money on what you think you’re becoming, if you’re right you double your money.”
“If you’re on the city watch, should you be taking bets from people?” I smirked. At least someone else said it.
“Actually I’m off now.” Bantry lied. “This is a side business I run.” Can you please be a professional just for a few minutes?
“You don’t know me. You just met me!”
“Money never waits!” Skirt man took a step back. I’ve never worn a skirt or a dress in my life. After seeing it on the half-lizard man, I realized why. “I bet that’s a no?”
“You bet correct.” The man shouted. “Do you know who I am?”
“Somebody new to the Keep.” Bantry said. “If not for the scales I’d assume you were a transgender like me, especially since you’re wearing a skirt.”
“It’s not a skirt!” I could tell it was a skirt. Now everyone in the area was looking at us. “I am nobility; you should not just come up talking to me.” I snorted.
“I’m sorry your highness, I didn’t know we had to follow protocol.”
“Don’t talk to me. Stay away from me.” He began to walk away but his eyes drifted back to mine. “I mean…I don’t want to be here.” I Tapped his mind as he turned but he had moved just far enough away.
“Five counts of mean justice dispensed.” I said. “Two arrests made, crimes falls into the category of low justice. One magic object brought in.” Sgt. Tibble scratched that into his record book. A days worth of hard work reduced to words on a page and what is there to show for it? I know Tibble was thinking this even without Tapping his mind. His eyes never made contact with mine.
“Prisoner will be transferred tonight.” He said. His massive body never seemed to fit in the small alcove they had for him. The desk was rammed against the left wall and every time it moved it scraped the floor.
“Just one prisoner?” I asked.
“The weasel.” Tibble said.
“What about the other one, the Aye-Aye brought in?” I asked. “Has he been released?” Tibble nodded. “What was his explanation?”
“For how he found the book?” Tibble frowned. “He said yesterday he started drinking after a bad day. He had his pants and no book. When he sobered up, he had the book and no pants. He’s just as confused as you were.”
“Well being drunk and loud is no crime.” I said with a sigh. Tibble gave a nod and resumed scratching on his ledgers.
The back wall was devoted to a bunch of shelves, each one holding a series of boxes. As soon as the record book was dry I knew it would go into one of them potentially lost forever. Each box had records and important documents in them, so many we could never use them all.
Even the desk was dedicated to papers. It held papers, another notebook, two inkwells, three quills, sealing ink, a letter opener, a short sword and Eli knows what other crap. The only candle on it was almost a stub sitting in a puddle of wax.
How can he get anything done in this place? Credit to him I guess. The alcove was so small the desk almost blocked him inside. There was a very narrow space for Tibble to move in, but otherwise it was stuffed with paper. The only light came from one other candle mounted against the upper right wall. Even it felt depressing as it gave a listless flicker. When I am Justicar I will improve efficiency in this place. Less paper and bigger work spaces. I’ll give him more space
“Thank you for your service, see you tomorrow Corporal Janelle.” I nodded.
A Sergeant really has only two options for what they do. They investigate cases given to them by their Lieutenant or they take a desk job like Tibble. If you want your career to continue, you do the former. The problem was we needed lots of people to do the latter.
Tibble did it because he knew they needed him. Even if his career ended here, he did what was needed. I could respect that.
Soon… I lingered looking at his dull green coat in contrast to my blue tabard. Very soon. I left him writing and headed to the back door.
“Janelle!” The voice broke through my thoughts as I was about to leave. Warden Remmie came up, still as cheerful as ever. She took my blue arm in her spotted one. “There you are. I felt bad about how you said you never had any fun and I was wondering if we could talk—
“No thank you.” I pulled my arm free. Remmie frowned.
“But I didn’t get the chance to ask.”
“You’re right and I apologize for being rude. But I have a son and little free time when not on duty so all invitations for ‘fun’ must be refused.” I hoped this would be firm enough but the little Warden followed me outside.
“Most of the other wardens like to spend time at the Deaf Mule.” Remmie pumped her stumpy legs to match my stride. She’s determined to keep up with me. I like that in a Warden. “It’s a bar, but right now it’s more like a tent but that just makes it more fun! You should come with me”
“I’m busy.” I smiled with sincerity. “Thank you though, I am glad you offered. But the Deaf Mule has never been a place I enjoy.” Remmie opened her mouth but snapped it shut again. Her green eyes darted around. The street we walked in Keeptown was currently empty. The Watch had all of its outposts set lower populated parts of Metamor Keep.
“Well actually…I had something else in mind. I was—” Two people turned down the street we walked, right behind us. Remmie grabbed my arm and pulled me into the ally between two damaged buildings.
“Are we trying to be secretive?”
“Kind of have to be.” The gecko said. By this point I was amused enough to not pull my arm free or give her a punch to the throat. I Tapped her mind briefly, just enough to read her emotions. No hostility, just a kindness I didn’t often see.
I think I know what she’s going to discuss. Remmie was looking away from me, trying to make sure we weren’t being followed. As soon as the footsteps moved past us she let go. I should at least listen even if I do know. She’s an interesting one this Warden Remmie.
“Sorry but I’m new to this group and I don’t wanna get kicked out by revealing the big secret.” Remmie smiled again. “Okay, I was wondering if one reason you don’t have fun is because you don’t feel comfortable. Like, do you feel out of place?”
“How so?”
“You and I are the only scalies in the Watch, or at least the only ones who work in this area. The rest are milksuckers.” I tensed. She’s using that slur again, I swear… Relax Janelle, she doesn’t know.
“And you think you know a place where I would belong?” I asked, suppressing my smirk. Remmie nodded.
“Yeah I only found out a little while ago. Okay so I’ve been here like a year but it took me six months to find this place and now…I feel happy.” She giggled. “I really feel happy.” Remmie fell back against the wall of the other building. Her tail curled around her leg, sending the dust up in small clouds.
“Just knowing that having scales or laying eggs isn’t the end of the world. I can be happy that I’m a spotted gecko and no one will think in this place thinks it’s weird! It’s this group for scalies like us.”
“Yes and it’s called the Fellowship of the Egg and I’m not on the best of terms with them.” Remmie’s eyes widened, clearly she didn’t expect this response. My left shoulder was aching from standing against the building. “I appreciate you trying help me but I’m not interested. Thank you though.”
“If you know about them, why haven’t I ever see you there?” By this point I really needed to get home and my irritation was on the rise. I suppressed it though. When you become Justicar, you will have to deal with many minor annoyances. Do not let this one get to you. “They’re amazing! I mean they made me feel happy to be this…thing.” She gestured to her orange mottled form. Personally I like the spots.
“I was suspended from there for two years.” I said, keeping my voice cool. “That ban will be lifted in May but I still doubt I will return.”
“Why not?”
“The reason I left was some of the reptiles there…” That one. “They chose to use that dreadful slurr of milk-sucker to describe my only family. I responded with the use of my claws and arms.” I could hear that horrible voice echo through my mind.
Get her off of me! She’s breaking my arm!
“I fought with a crocodile.” I smiled. “And won.”
“You fought a crocodile?” Remmie said. “How on Earth did you hurt them?” I smirked.
“Determination and knowing where to apply force.” I shifted against the building, trying to ease my left shoulder’s pain. “Emily told us we were both being idiots essentially. She wanted to withhold punishment given the circumstances. I insisted.” Remmie cocked her head.
“What? You insisted?” Her voice jumped. “Why would you want to be punished? That’s stupid!” Remmie still had so much to learn. All members of the Watch would have to learn this sooner or later.
“What is the key rule of the Fellowship?” I asked.
“Not to reveal its existence?”
“No. And I suspect its existence is better known than we think, but that’s beside the point.” I paused and tried to keep my facial expression as calm as possible. As I’ve learned, the right vocal tone and expression can help just as much if not more than the argument you are making.
“The most important rule is you do not use tooth or claw against other members of the Fellowship.” I said, bringing my scaly maw to a smile. “Now for me that’s not an issue, my teeth are small and my claws good for climbing. But I still attacked another member of the Fellowship.”
“But Emily was willing to let it slide.”
“But I wasn’t. She holds the Perch; she is supposed to be uncompromising in judgement. If she isn’t then I as a member of the Watch have to be. I acted in anger and for that I had to be punished. A two year ban I felt was the correct course of action.”
“What about the guy you attacked?”
“We are allowed to say what we wish. He broke no laws…” I slapped my tail against the wall as the scene again played through my head. “As frustrating as that might be, I violated the rules, not him.”
“Wow…” Remmie’s eyes had gone wide again. “I’m…wow…I just wanted to invite you to the Fellowship. I thought…you’d enjoy it. I like making people happy.”
“I find it odd you chose to join the Watch then.” I said. “Most people find what we do futile.”
“You don’t.” Remmie said.
“I do sometimes but I keep going. Now if you wish to make me happy you will never use the term milk-sucker again.” Remmie nodded rapidly. Her specked eyes never left me.
“I uh admit I wasn’t first planning to join the Watch but I did because they said they needed people and I like to help them.” Her snout shifted into a smile. “I mean do you know blah blah blah blah…” I let her talk and instead Reached out from my mind towards hers.
This is what you claim. Let’s see how genuine you are. My eyes drifted shut to help me focus as I Tapped her mind. I brushed the surface and her thoughts bubbled up.
…two years without the Fellowship? I have a hard enough time with all the mammals thinking I’m a freak. Remmie’s countenance never betrayed her thoughts. She is strong. Is she happy? Can any lizard be when you’re around everyone who’s so different from you?
“I’m glad you invited me,” I interrupted. “But I’m afraid I really must be going. I have a schedule to keep.”
“Right, right.” Remmie smiled again, showing her nubs. “Just when your ban ends in May, think about coming back. I’d would so love it if you came! I’m sure everyone else would.” I doubt they remembered me.
“I will think about it.” I said with sincerity. “Now go home and get some rest Warden.” Remmie stammered more thanks but I turned away from her.
The sun hung low as I continued on my way and the wind blew from the West. It kicked up dirt that stuck to me, especially my sail fin. The fin serves me no purpose and acts most of the time as filth collector. Since my tail was so massive relative to my form, I couldn’t even lift it off the ground.
And she was complaining about her form? I walked through the Keeptown Square now as those who at the Market prepared to end their day. The okapi I had rescued earlier winced when I walked by. I stopped and approached her.
“Have you had any more trouble?”
“Why? You suddenly care?” Her ears folded back into as she sneered. “I don’t suddenly want your sympathy.”
“I’m a member of the Watch and I do care.” I said. “This isn’t about sympathy. This is about protecting a member of Metamor Keep who feels neglected. Now that I know your complaints I will make a point of approaching you.” Clearly she wasn’t expecting this. Her muzzle and ears drooped in unison.
“Well…uh” Now they perked up. “I don’t want your sympathy but…yeah everything’s been okay today.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” I said, making sure each word was filled with warmth. “I’m sorry we have neglected you.” The okapi swallowed.
“Thanks…” I turned to leave. “Wait!” I glanced back. “You want an apple?” She held up a large green apple, clean except for a speck of dirt. “Free? Call it an apology for uh…our disagreement.”
“You threw one twice this size at my head.”
“So bygones?” I gave a small nod and took the apple.
“It’s fine.” I said. “You were—
AGONY
The apple fell from my hand as a force slammed into my back. I stumbled onto one knee, then collapsed completely against the ground. The sounds of the Market were washed away by blood rushing through my skull.
It’s a spirit. I grit my teeth. It wants me. Why? I forced myself onto all fours, now panting heavily. The spirit I could feel beneath my skin, trying to enter my mind. Focus--focus!
“Warden you okay?”
“Just…fine.” I stammered. “Just need a moment.” I let my mental guards down by a sliver, allowing the spirit temporary passage into my mind. Alright, now tell me who you are.
Instantly my mind was awash in images. Feelings and memories fought for dominance. I could see through this spirits eyes, feel his bones crunching again and the last drops of blood poor from him.
“No…” And I knew right away. I stood up again.
“Warden what was that?” The okapi cried, almost hysterical. “You looked possessed, I thought you were dying and I can’t have—“ I held up one hand.
“I’m fine.” I said, my voice clipped. “I have to go. I would love a free apple in the future.” My body turned itself around as if guided by its own will. Every step was laborious and my stomach twisted into a knot as I went to confront a friend.
I couldn’t bring myself to knock on the door yet so I stood in front of it with a weight in my stomach. This is the moment every Warden hates but they have to do it. It never gets any easier. You have to do it Janelle.
The spirit clawed beneath my skin. His anger burned into my soul, I knew he wouldn’t depart until I did what he wanted. I still didn’t knock on the door though.
“You deserved it.” I said. “As far as I’m concerned this is justice I couldn’t bring. Your hatred, your violence, it brought you to this. I want you to know that so you know I’m not doing this because I want to help you.”
From my experience, if a spirit gets to someone like me, they won’t leave until they want to or someone forces them out. I can force a spirit out of me but it isn’t easy. Far easier to get them to leave willingly, accomplishing a task they want done. Even when it makes your stomach churn, it’s easier this way.
I knocked on the door. “I’m doing this because justice is unbiased and all people deserve it. Even you.” The lock slid out of place.
“Oh!” Marnie’s brow furrowed at seeing me. “Hello Janelle. What’re you doing here?”
“Marnie, where is your brother?” She smiled.
“Hello to you too. Janie do you mind coming back later, Roddy and I had a fight and I’m trying to clean up now.”
“I’m afraid not.” I stuck my foot in the door before Marnie could close it. “Marnie I need you to invite me in.”
“Why?” I took a deep breath.
“So I can be wrong just this once. Marnie I need you to show me I’m wrong, so let me in.” Marnie shrugged and moved aside, letting me pass.
The smell of warm blood struck me right away.
“You really should have come later.” Marnie giggled. “Oh I never had time to clean up. It’s so unsightly for a hostess to have a messy house Roddy was always saying that. Well no, he called me a stupid fucking bitch, but I think you see what he really meant.”
The kitchen table lay on its side, blocking my view. One chair was broken, while the plates, forks, knives, a broken wine bottle and food was scattered around my feet. The other chair stood upright against the fireplace, casting a shadow on the scene. A cloth lay partially drooped over the mess, stained partially red with blood.
The fireplace was down to dull ambers but it still gave some light. I could see a human arm sticking out, hand half-open, from behind the table. Blood oozed from it and coagulated with the puddle of spilled wine, twisting their scents together.
Damn it Marnie.
“Marnie…” I turned back to the pangolin. Her black eyes were dazed, almost dreamy and her entire snout was turned up in a smile. My stomach began to wretch as the blood and wine invaded my nose, making me dizzy.
“Roddy decided tonight to start yelling again. He does that you know.” I studied her body as she spoke, looking for anything I missed.
Marnie’s left sleeve was torn at the elbow, like someone had grabbed it and pulled. Looking down I could see a crust of blood along the hem of her dress, maroon against the baby blue.
“This time though he told me he was going to leave. Not just leave our house but leave Metamor Keep.” The yellow crisscrossing threads on her dress were dotted with tiny specks of red. The specks went from her waste up to her shoulder. Marnie began to fiddle with a frayed part of the fabric of her right sleeve.
“He said since he was still human he didn’t have to live here among a bunch of freaks. He called me a monster, which was so rude of him you know? Do I look like a monster to you Janelle?”
“I don’t think you are Marnie.” Her black eyes lit up.
“Well I remember what you said to me, you said I need to stand up for myself, do you remember?”
“I’ve told you that many times Marnie.” My voice began to crack so I took a moment to regain my composure.
A good Warden feels nothing when arresting a suspect. That’s the way it has to be.
“Yeah but today it just really seemed important I should do that.” Marnie walked over to the upright chair and sat down. I moved over beside her to get a better view of Roddy. His face was a bloody mess and his blonde hair was streaked with crimson.
“I can barely tell this was ever your brother.”
“Yeah I know.” She giggled. “I didn’t want to be here by myself, no that wouldn’t do. So I grabbed my iron I had by the fireplace and of course Roddy didn’t notice, he’s so self absorbed!” Marnie threw her hands up in frustration. “Well what can you do?
“You can hit him with an iron I figured, so I did just that. I hit him on the side of the head when he stood up and he smashed into the table. That was unfortunate; I had made a nice stew for dinner.”
“What happened next?” My eyes kept drifting to Roddy’s body. His other arm was across his breast, his legs were splayed out. His mouth was a bloody broken thing but I could still read fear in it.
“Next…” Marnie leaned foreword. “I dunno. I just was so mad, so I started hitting him over and over. And after a while I quit being mad but Roddy quit moving and that was bad.”
“Yes that’s very bed.” I crouched down to get a closer look. Roddy’s skull had been pulverized, theer was nothing to do about that. I stood. “Marnie, you know what comes next right?”
“You arrest me for murdering my brother? Yes I know.” Marnie gripped her knees. “I always knew you were a good warden Janelle, you’ve proven it to me today.” I swallowed.
A Justicar must be unbiased; they must be willing to do what they hate for the good of Metamor Keep. Just because you know that doesn’t make arresting a friend any easier.
“Don’t worry, I won’t fight.” Marnie said. “Do you mind if I change my dress though?”
“Excuse me?”
“Well I’ve not left this place in so long and Roddy always said I looked like quite appalling.” Marnie gave me a pleading look. “Don’t you think I should look my best?”
“Marnie I—
“Don’t you?” I sighed.
“Take the dress with you. Yes go ahead and change.” Marnie smiled and stood. As she passed by Roddy’s corpse, she gave it a small wave.
“What’s the point of this Janelle? What will arresting me fix?”
Why even bother warden? You can’t change shit.
“I don’t know.” I said. “It’s what has to be done.” I waited with Marnie while she changed, before taking her to be booked on charges of murder.
Marnie didn’t speak to Tibble or me once. She mumbled to herself, she pulled at her dress and never once did she acknowledge her arrest. I left Marnie quaking in a cell, all alone with her actions. I didn’t pretend arresting her had accomplished anything.
You locked up someone who will never kill again. I started up my stairs. Tomorrow there will be more thieves, more killers and all you’ve done is taken a good person and shoved her in a cell.
“It doesn’t matter what I want.” I reminded myself. “This is justice.”
This is the price we pay as members of the Watch. We live knowing we may have to arrest friends or family in the name of law. You do it because you want to protect Metamor Keep. And that is one of two reasons I love my place in the Watch.
I love Metamor Keep. I was born here to a mother who died just inside of the city. That was twenty-six years ago. In that time I have gained a name, a faith and a love for this odd place.
And I gained a place in the Watch. The Watch is ignored because it isn’t glamorous like say the Long Scouts. We don’t have great adventures outside the Keep, we never go hunting for enemies.
We exist in the background keeping you safe. Our thanks are the knowledge you can sleep in peace. Our payment is a sense of order in the Keep. That has to be enough.
I arrived at the door for my little hole in the wall. I have two reasons I love being on the Watch. The second was inside. I pushed the door open and a gray-black blur greeted me.
“Hi mamma!”
“Hey baby.” I crouched and let my son could crash into my arms. He nuzzled his furry face against my tabard. I scratched his ears until they twitched with joy.
“We just got done eating dinner.” Mrs. Aubrah said. “He heard you come home before I did.”
“You did?” I cried.
“I hear good.” Kaysar giggled.
“Yes you do.” I kissed his forehead. “Have you been good today?”
“Yeah! Play checkers?”
“I think your mother needs to eat first.” Mrs. Aubrah said. “She’s had a busy day.”
“But I’d love to play after.” I said. “You can go ahead and get the board.” Kaysar let out a squeal and ran off, tiny legs churning. My son is a spotted civet unlike me, though he had no spots right now. Those would come with age.
Every time I saw him run, knives of fear stabbed me. “He looks really thin doesn’t he? Maybe he needs to eat more.” His fur was pale gray with three black stripes, the center going from the back of his head and down his tail.
“It’s normal for him to look that thin.” Mrs. Aubrah said, her dark eyes full of sympathy. “He’s a healthy young boy, I promise you that.” I nodded. “You’re still worried aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” My son opened the chest where I stored the checkers board. When he learned in, his little body vanished and his tail wiggled over the top. He’s so happy, he can be that way forever. He never has to leave this room.
“Can I fix you some dinner?” Mrs. Aubrah asked.
“Uh thanks. I need some.” I stood up. “It’s been a really long day.” She had already started fixing me a plate of stew.
When you work on the Watch, you work long hours because the Watch is perpetually undermanned. When you’ll be home is never consistent, today was actually an early day for me. If you have children but no spouse, someone needs to watch them.
Mrs. Aubrah is a pale gray binturong, a creature that looks like a cross between a squirrel and bear but is apparently a type of cat. She had been Kaysar’s wet nurse when he was an infant. Now she was a combination of nanny and housekeeper who I owed a great debt to.
“You look exhausted.” She said, setting a plate down. I collapsed onto my stool and nearly into my dinner. The heat from my fireplace warmed my aching bones and the stew was fantastic. Moments like this I relish and I was about to ruin the mood with the next thing said.
“I feel it.” I said. “I had to arrest a friend today. That’s never fun but it…today it was really hard.” I bit into a meat chunk and a piece of pepper. “I also got cursed at, got an apple thrown at my head, had someone use a word I despise, pretty lousy day all around.”
“You had to arrest a friend? Wow. Sweetheart that’s terrible.” Mrs. Aubrah smiled and her honey-colored eyes were warm. “I’ll listen to you if you wanna share. I got no where to go.”
“Thanks.” I sighed. “I would really like to but I’m not supposed to discuss arrests with non-members of the Watch.” My tail thumped against the ground. “I suppose it won’t matter though if I ask you a question.”
“I enjoy questions.”
“If someone has been beaten and abused for years and is living their own personal nightmare, is it right to arrest them for murdering their abuser?” My tail now beat at a steady rhythm. “What’s the correct thing to do there?”
“You don’t ask easy questions do you? Uh may I sit?”
“Please.” Mrs. Aubrah pulled out the other stool.
“After careful consideration I’ve decided I don’t know what I’d do.” I snorted. “I’m glad I don’t have your job. Watching Kaysar is enough for me.” Her long whiskers began to tremble. “You arrested them though?”
“Arrested who? This is all just a question I wanted your opinion on.”
“Okay, okay, would you have to arrest this imaginary person?” Mrs. Aubrah tried to lean back, only to nearly slide out of her stool. “Okay wow that’s not a good idea. They did something wrong didn’t they?”
“Yep she’s a murderer.” I said. “For that she deserves to be arrested and tried.”
“Will they kill her?”
“She’ll be banished.” I said. “She’ll be sent out of the valley, something she’s not done for years. She’ll go from self imprisonment inside of her home too banishment in the outside world.” And how is Marnie going to survive? I looked over her shoulder.
“You’re scared for ‘em.” Kaysar now had the board set up and was playing by himself. I watched him.
“Kaysar looks happy.”
“You’re scared for this lady?” I sighed.
“Yeah I am.” I finished my stew. “But there is nothing I could-I could do. When someone breaks the law, I have to arrest them. That’s justice; it’s unbiased and punishes you for what you’ve done.” Mrs. Aubrah barked a laugh.
“That ain’t justice to me. If someone is punished for killing a bastard who hurts them, how can anyone call that justice?”
“I don’t…I don’t know.” Marnie’s eyes were afraid when I locked her in a cell. She couldn’t look at me, she focused on the floor like she wanted it to open up and swallow her. She mumbled to herself the entire time, so quiet I couldn’t understand. Marnie’s entire life was over in one stupid moment. “What I do know is for justice to be fair it has to be unbiased. Everyone needs to be treated the same, the high and the low and be punished accordingly for their crimes.”
“Yes but if they only did something bad. If they were pushed to it they shouldn’t be!” Mrs. Aubrah said. “Or at least not the same way. If things were different they wouldn’t have killed anyone.”
“Things aren’t different though. Now she has to be punished.” I scrapped against the bowl. “Even if I feel bad for them I have to follow the law. If I can’t do it, what’s the point of having a justice system? I just have to remain impersonal.”
“Justice ain’t a person Janie. You’re human, no matter how many scales you have. You seriously want to tell me this doesn’t hurt? You don’t feel bad arresting a friend?”
“I didn’t say that. I can stand for justice, or I can stand for what feels good. Joing the Watch was my choice. I can’t make an exception just because I feel bad for someone or they’re my friend.” I swallowed. “I can’t. I’ll have to live with this course of action.”
“If you can do that I hope it works. But is it that easy?” Mrs. Aubrah’s whiskers dropped. “Can you just divorce your emotions from your day to day life? You’ll feel something eventually.”
“Not if I just don’t think about it.” I said. “There are other things in my life that need attention and when I do become Justicar I’ll run into situations like this all the time. Got to stay emotionally distant and I’ll be just fine.”
“Can I say something?”
“Go ahead.”
“You’re being thick headed! I tell my husband that,” Mrs. Aubrah said. “And I love ya honey but I’m telling you to. You can’t just stop feeling things unless you turn even more cold-blooded. Feeling bad wont make you a bad Warden.”
“I don’t agree.” She shook her head.
“Yeah I got it.” Mrs. Aubrah scooted out from the table. “I’ll pray the gods help you.” Pagan or not I could use the prayer. “What else happened? Anything good happen today?” That bull. What was he?
“Maybe.” I said. “I….I don’t know. Sorry my mind is distracted.”
“It’s fine honey. Did you enjoy the stew?”
“It’s fantastic.” I said. “I wish I could cook like this…maybe I should try again. I did like cooking when I had time for it.”
“Janie the last thing you cooked we had to cut with a knife.” Mrs. Aubrah said.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It was soup!” I am not a good cook. “Now I have to get going but I’ll be back tomorrow but you know that.”
“I do. Thanks Mrs. Aubrah.” I escorted her out and then checked out my son. He was currently on his belly playing with the checkers board. I sat down beside him. “So who is winning.”
“Black!” Kaysar giggled as he moved with black pieces over white. “Black got three kings.” I scratched his ears again.
“Want to play a game?”
“Yeah!”
“I win mamma.” Kaysar giggled, picking up my last white checker.
“You did big guy.” I laughed and tussled his guard fur. “You’re really good at this.”
“Yeah! Play again!” I smiled.
“One more game.” Kaysar clapped as I set up another game. I had our fireplace burning wood but not boiling water. Most reptiles keep a pot of water going so they can have comfortable humidity. I am not like that, I am much worse. I need almost two pots going to feel comfortable. A Sailfin Lizard needs lots of moisture to feel comfortable.
But the humidity made Kaysar miserable so I quit boiling water. A sacrifice like that was easy for my son.
In the crackling golden light Kaysar’s face was half in shadow. His golden eyes laughed, his smile warmed me deeper than the fire. His little fuzzy hands looked so bizarre compared to my narrow blue ones. His claws scratched at the board every time he moved a piece, it was a sound I had grown to love.
I had taught Kaysar checkers a few weeks ago, now we played every night (he always won). He loved beating his big tough mother while I just liked seeing happy.
The board was a weather beaten thing with its corners rounded from lots of use. The black and white pieces were scratched and chipped. Nothing is more fun then pulling the set out and playing a few rounds beside the fire.
“I caught one.” Kaysar gave another laugh, which is when I noticed one black spot on the side of his face.
That’s Kaysar’s first spot. He’s growing up. I bit my bottom lip. Soon he’ll need an education. What do I do then?
“Mamma it’s your turn!” I shook my head.
“What? Oh it is, how silly of me.” I moved a piece, deliberately setting up an easy capture for Kaysar. Before you judge me for babying my son, I want to say that was not my intent. I tried instead to set up the board where there would always be one easy piece to capture and the rest were dummies.
This way Kaysar learns to pay attention to the whole board, to pick the right choice out of many. This way we can also do something we find fun. The smile on his face when he wins is just a bonus.
“I win ‘gain!” He exclaimed after a few more minutes. “It’s fun!”
“It’s very fun.” I said. Fun enough I’ve almost forgotten about Marnie. “But we’re done playing for tonight. It’s time for you to get ready for bed.”
“Kay!” My son stood and took off like an arrow, and I watched his legs churn and little tail bounce. He’s a little ball of energy. I want to freeze this moment in time.
In public I know all eyes are on my son and I. It should come as no surprise that a reptile with a mammal son raises heckles from others no matter their species. My son being a mammal lead to my fight with the Fellowship, it has lead to many arguments with well meaning people who believe I can not raise Kaysar. This I do not understand.
My son was born and not hatched, as a babe he wanted milk and not meat. These things do not make me an unfit parent but for some (such as the louder members of the Fellowship) the difference in our species was a deal breaker.
Let them say someone else should raise my son, I don’t care. I love him that is all that matters. I will raise my son to be a devout Follower, an intelligent man and a good citizen of Metamor Keep. Everyone who sees us together will know just how much I love him.
I followed Kaysar into our shared bedroom, opening the door since his tiny arms couldn’t reach the knob. After getting his nightshirt on he hopped onto my bed with me.
“I wanna story!” He giggled. “Story mamma?” I nodded. “Yay!”
We had to share the only bedroom. Kaysar sleeps in a smaller bed wedged against the wall. My bed was the larger one and every night we sat on it and read a story.
The small shelf above my bed held all the books I owned. I selected the red leather commonplace book that stood beside my journal. I added to and rebound this book every couple of months. Kaysar’s eyes always lit up when I brought the book back home, it meant new stories for him.
“Let’s do one you’ve not heard for a while.” I flipped to a story written on rougher, shorter paper than the others. “The Child from the Tree.” Kaysar cuddled up beside me while I began.
“Once upon a time.” I nuzzled him. “In a kingdom on the ocean, their lived a beautiful princess…”
Once upon a time in a cursed valley full of amazing people lived a lonely Warden…
“She was beloved by all of her people but she and her husband could not have a child. And they wanted one so badly.”
She was unnoticed by the others in the Keep but she wanted them to see her hard work. She wanted people to respect the Watch and to respect her.
“That night she went to the church and asked the priest what to do. He told her to pray, pray that Eli will show her his blessing.”
She tried to act like she was so above the others in the Keep, that she was so special. She craved their attention though; she didn’t have a reason yet to serve.
“One day when the princess was walking through her garden, she heard the sound of a child crying. She followed it to a tree where she found a baby hanging from a branch in basket made of vines.”
It was on patrol one cold morning in early April almost four years ago. The lonely Warden found a box covered in cloth beside a well, completely abandoned. Inside was a child, quiet and serene, the most beautiful child she had ever seen.
“The princess had the child rescued from the tree and took him to her home. He cried and fought with everyone, but the princess didn’t give up on him.”
He was so innocent, looking at him the Warden found a reason to serve. She wanted to create a better Keep, one where he and all other children could be safe.
“She believed he would change. He would be protected by her, loved by her”
And then the strangest thing happened. The human child changed, despite being to young to be cursed. The Keep had changed him, it wanted to protect him.
“The Princess couldn’t give up because…” Kaysar’s head fell against my side. His eyes were shut and he smiled. “Because she loved him.” I kissed the top of his head. “Because I love you so much Kaysar.”
I moved Kaysar to his bed and tried my best not to wake him up. Now it was time for me to work. I opened my journal and lit my half-melted candle.
By flickering light I wrote my daily journal entry. This one flowed like mud onto my page but it had to be done. I would be Justicar and I would create a better system for Metamor. This journal would let me remember my youth.
“And with that, another ending.” I let the ink dry as I went over the day’s events in my mind. “Marnie will live out her short life in a cell. She murdered a man. The man was a bastard.”
What should be done?
“I’ll figure it out later.” I shut the book. “This is worth it” A quick glance at the closed door confirmed that for me.
Whatever happened to Marnie next wouldn’t be fair. But justice isn’t always fair; it’s blind and acts without prejudice. It would protect the innocent without favoring the powerful; protect the poor from the rich.
It would treat Kaysar as he deserved, the same as anyone else.
In Metamor Keep we are the cursed, in some ways the damned. The rest of the world has judged us monsters. Justice will not do that. We will be treated the same, those of us cursed and uncursed.
And it’s my job to make sure it stays that way. If justice is the only way the people of Metamor Keep are treated equally as the outside world, then it’s worth fighting for.
I sat for a bit, listening to the silence. Kaysar slept, no one stirred. I Reached, no spirits or unknown thoughts. Completely alone.
Perfect. Under the table sat a metal box with a small lock. I removed the key from my neck and opened the box. From it I grabbed an old leather journal, almost crumbling in my fingers.
The letters were like scratches, the ink a faded mess. The poor candle light made it nearly impossible to read. It didn’t matter though. I knew each word, etched into my memories from thousands of readings.
Now pay attention Janelle, I’m only going to repeat this once.
“Of course Mr. Sotto.” In an instant, I was back to the past. Still human, young, red hair and blue eyes. Mr. Sotto jotted in his book on the opposite side of the fire.
“We have to be able to identify others like us Janelle.” He scratched at the paper. “That’s why I’m writing this. All information I have on our powers are in this book.”
Mr. Sotto’s observations, his notes on our shared abilities, his theories about his pagan gods and nine greater Fallen, all of it was contained inside of this. The mind of a single, brilliant man held within a leather shell.
I had to be gentle. The book was a few decades old and had lived a hard life. The pages threatened to break even as I found the section I was looking for.
Observations on Identifying New Channelers
My eyes darted over the sloppy letters until I found the section I was looking for.
IV. A New Channeler will act unconsciously. An experienced Channeler will feel a tug on them when in close physical proximity. This I noted… I looked up.
“That was it. It was. That has to be it…” That feeling of something crashing against my scales. A new Channeler and one who didn’t know it, that bull. “But who is he?”
Daily patrols do not help you know new people. Sure you see them, maybe speak to them, but never get to know them. The bull was just one of a thousand such people I saw daily and never spoke to.
“I have to find him. He was carrying wood.” I yawned. “I can use that. I’ll track him down yet…”
Then what do I do? I rubbed my eyes; the answer was not coming to me. “I get some sleep, that’s what I do. It’s been a long enough day.” I extinguished the candle and sneaked quietly into the bedroom.
Kaysar’s light breathing greeted me. The stars gave the room a dim glow; in it I could see his tiny form. For a moment I watched him sleep.
My son. I smiled. I’ll work to keep you safe. Metamor Keep will be safe, because the Watch will keep it that way.
The Watch is forgotten and it works better that way. Because we’re unnoticed, we can keep Metamor safe. I just wish we were noticed sometimes.
“Goodnight Kaysar.” I crawled into bed myself. My massive tail makes anything other than side sleeping impossible. I adjusted though and soon rest overtook me.
Then the nightmares returned again.